Letters to our sons | May

***I am so thankful to be a part of this blog circle "Letters to our Sons" with so many amazing photographers and moms.  In honor of our love for our little boys, we are posting a monthly image(s) along with a corresponding, heartfelt letter.  After reading my post, please click HERE to continue around the circle, starting with the very talented Lauren Ammerman. 

Dearest Cash,

I think I am coming to terms with it - finally.  It's been almost six weeks since your first major haircut - "major" being the key word to describe not only how much Daddy chopped off but also the kind of reaction I had afterwards.  The night before you were to have your preschool photo taken, I asked Daddy to give you a "shape up".  Translation:  Take a little off the top and clean up the sides around the ears.  Daddy had given you a shape up before, so I just assumed this time would be the same.  Off I went to put your baby brother down to sleep for the night, while Daddy sat you on a stool in the bathtub and got the clippers ready.  Yes, the clippers.    

About ten minutes later I walked past the bathroom and saw your hair was cut down to a "fade" of sorts.  Thinking it was close to being too short, I warned Daddy who assured me he was just cleaning up the spots that were too low because you kept moving your head.  It didn't take long however, for Daddy's promise to break into a million little pieces.  I walked out of Grey's room, past the bathroom and caught a glimpse of you out of the corner of my eye.  You were still seated on the stool smiling, as if to say, "Hey Mommy!  Look at my new haircut!"  My stomach just dropped and I Instantly burst into tears.  You were nearly bald.  You looked like you were suffering a terminal illness or had survived the squalid conditions of a child labor internment camp - and as your mother, I wasn't prepared for the shock.  Even writing this now I almost feel sick all over again.  With your glorious curls gone, replaced by a super low crew cut - I was definitely in a state.

 

"What happened?!!

         Why did you cut it so short?

        Oh My Gosh!!  What happened?!!" 

 

Daddy said it was because you moved your head and there was a huge bald spot that could only be fixed by cutting it all off.  Really?!!  I would have much preferred a bald spot over a full on shearing!  But not wanting you to feel insecure in any way about your new coif, I fought to get control of my emotions.  I walked out of the bathroom, closed the door behind me and went into the bedroom and cried.

I managed somehow to find the words to tell you that I liked your new haircut, that you looked amazing and beautiful -although I'm sure you hardly believed me.  Daddy took you to your room to read you a bedtime story while I took a deep breath and went back into the bathroom.  Your hair was everywhere - all over the floor, behind the toilet, in the tub.  I got down on my knees, tears streaming down my face, and started sweeping them up - saddened by how quickly the garbage can was filling up with your beautiful baby curls that had taken so long to grow.

That night after you had fallen asleep, I snuck in your room to just look at you.  I stayed in there for God knows how long.  Who was that little boy lying there?  My greatest wish was that when you woke up the next morning your hair would have grown - that you would have your little afro back.   

I realize that a major factor in my devastation was that my first baby was no more.  This new haircut instantly made you like you were ten years old, not three.  When I shared this story with some of the other moms at your school the next day, they were a total comfort.  "Was this his first big haircut?" one mother asked.  When I said it was, she shook her head and said, "Of course, that makes complete sense.  That first big haircut can be really hard for us [moms].  And Dads just don't get it."

The fact that the following day was school picture day was just the nail in the coffin.  I considered not taking you in to school and have you do the make up shot at the end of the month, but quickly decided that wasn't right.  You would proudly rock your new haircut in a photo with your teachers and friends.  I mean it's only hair and it will grow back I kept telling myself. Thankfully you have a grand collection of hats that you love and had already chosen one to wear the next morning.

I love you son, always and forever.

And already your curls are making a comeback!

Love, Mom 

    Little Lion King Afro:  In Memoriam 

Photo 52: Within the Frame

Camera Position:  Shooting from Above {Week 20}

Our journey through the concepts of perspective is drawing to a close. After weeks of considering what are perhaps less traditional concepts of perspective - wide angle and long lenses, aspect ratio - we are spending our final two weeks on physical perspective in the form of camera position. This week, we are shooting from above. From standing atop buildings to standing over children, this is a fun assignment with a lot of room to be creative as we capture what all there is to see when looking down.

When the camera angle is located above the eyeline, often times the figure or object appears vulnerable while the image itself is more dramatic.  Below is a photograph of my son during our first trip to the dentist, so I guess you could say he was a bit vulnerable that day.  Shooting from above, I captured him resting his head against my leg, looking up, as if to say, "It's going to be okay, right Mom?".

My dear friend and fellow Photo 52 member, Jessie Wixon, pointed out that it was also a excellent photo for Valentine's Day since the both his eyebrows and his hairline make a perfect heart shaped face!

Happy Valentine's Day All!

Click HERE to visit our collective blog, Who We Become, to see all of our images in one place. 

Letters to our sons | February

***I am so thankful to be a part of this blog circle "Letters to our Sons" with so many amazing photographers and moms.  In honor of our love for our little boys, we are posting a monthly image(s) along with a corresponding, heartfelt letter.  After reading my post, please click HERE to continue around the circle, starting with my very talented and good friend Jill Cassara.

"So, how many hats does Cash have?'" 

This is a question Pow-Pow often asks when we go and visit him and Grandma.  

"Well," I say, "quite a lot." 

 

Dear Cash, my son and wearer of many hats ~

You have been wearing hats since before you could walk --- heck, before you could talk!  At six months old you wore your first one; it was a newsboy hat and it was white, for your baptism.  I don't recall you keeping it on all that long that particular day, but by the time summer arrived three months later, you were hardly out and about without one.  On your first birthday that September, a family friend gave you a plaid newsboy hat that looked just like the Kangols Daddy always wears.  To this day, one of my all time favorite photos and the inspiration for me to dust off my camera and delve into photography again, is of you and Daddy in Central Park wearing your newsboy hats.  It makes my heart swoon.     

Just after your first birthday we made a trip to southern California.  By then you had several newsboy hats - plaid, houndstooth and pinstriped.  During a stroll through the village of San Clemente, we came across a black gingham porkpie that would become your signature hat - above all others.  From that point on you didn't go anywhere without your porkpie, drawing smiles and comments from passersby everywhere.  You have gingham, plaid and blue wooly ones for the the colder months and blue/white and black/grey straw ones for the warmer months.  Dad and I are still surprised to this day how attached you have become to your hats and how you fuss when someone takes it off your head.  It's no wonder that Jon Klassen's book,"I Want My Hat Back",  about a bear who has lost his hat and desperately wants it back, is one of your favorites.  Equally amusing to you is Klassen's sequel to the book, "This Is Not My Hat", about a fish that stole a hat and will probably get away with it, that Santa put under the tree for you this Christmas.

Christmas Eve 2013

"A hat is a flag, a shield, a bit of armor, and the badge of masculinity. A hat is the difference between wearing clothes and wearing a costume; it's the difference between being dressed and being dressed up; it's the difference between looking adequate and looking your best. A hat is to be stylish in, to glow under, to flirt beneath, and to make all others seem jealous over.  A piece of magic is a hat."   ~ M. Sliter

Above is a collage of photos of you wearing various hats throughout your first three years of life, which by the way, was an absolute joy to create.  To the left is the photo of you and Daddy that I cherish most of all, for reasons already mentioned.  Framed and prominently placed on our bookshelf, I find myself looking at it all the time.  

You are my little dapper don, my pint-sized aficionado whose hat wearing is a vital part of your personality and style.  Who knows if your little brother will become such a fan, but it was just this month that he started wearing your white newsboy hat - the first one you ever wore.

Hats off to you my son!  May you always be king of your own swagger.     

Love always and forever, 

Mom

Photo 52: Within the Frame

Perspective | Aspect Ratio 1:1 {Week 19}

The traditional square format is one of my favorite aspect ratios.  It is mostly used by medium format film cameras such as Hasselblads and toy cameras like the Holga and Diana.  A couple of manufacturers created square 35mm cameras with a negative size of 24mm x 24mm in the 1930's and 1940's, but the idea never caught on.  

Even though there are no square format digital cameras on the market, it has become quite a popular aspect ratio due in part to Instagram, iphoneography and the ease of post-process cropping.  Being an avid Instagrammer has really helped me in my ability to envision an image within a square when shooting with my digital camera.

Below are two of my favorites.  I think the contrast of my son's long limbs, balanced by negative space and all within the small square frame, works quite well.

Please click HERE to visit our collective blog, Who We Become, to see all of our images in one place.  

Photo 52: Within the Frame

Perspective | Specialty Lenses for Creative Purposes {Week 17}

This week Photo 52 utilized various types of lenses - telephoto, fisheye, macro, lensbaby, etc. - in order to get our creative juices flowing in this dead of winter (ever heard of Polar Vortex II?).  I chose to use my lensbaby which is in short, a specialty lens designed to focus on one portion of the frame while leaving the rest blurred.  The creative effect is often quite ethereal and dream-like --- a perfect choice for capturing my 8 month-old baby playing with his blanket.  

Please click HERE to visit our collective site, Who We Become, to see all of our images in one place.  

Babe and a blanket

Photo 52: Within the Frame

Perspective | Wide Angle Portrait  {Week 16}

This week and next Photo 52: Within the Frame will be challenging the "traditional" use of lenses - first seeking to utilize a wide angle lens in a portrait or other non-traditional use.  Choosing a wide angle lens for portraiture requires the photographer to consider the consequences - one of which is that items placed near the edge of the frame often appear larger and sometimes distorted.  However when captured with intention, this consequence can greatly add to the visual impact of an image.

Recently my son has taken to boxing with his father and the portrait below has since become one of my favorites.  The enormous size of the gloves and the distortion caused by the wide angle lens gives the image an edgy, editorial look.

BAM! POW!

Click HERE to visit our collective blog, Who We Become, and see all of our images in one place. 

Crowned Winner

Letters to our sons | January

***I am so thankful to be a part of this blog circle "Letters to our Sons", with so many amazing photographers and moms.  In honor of our love for our little boys, we are posting a monthly image(s) along with a corresponding, heartfelt letter.  After reading my post please click HERE to continue around the circle, starting with the very talented Jojo Pedri Clark.

Dear Cash and Grey, 

Well this past Christmas was your first Christmas together as brothers.  As usual we spent the holiday in Wilmette at Aunt Gail and Uncle Elio's house.  Grandma and Pow Pow drove in from Pittsburgh, Uncle Jim flew in from Oregon, and your cousins Alex, Laura and Nicki worked hard to have everything ready for your arrival.  Even Rocky and Penny, the family's two four legged pals, were excited that you were coming to visit.  But we all knew Cash, that there was one visitor who you were especially hoping would arrive, traveling all the way from the North Pole!

SANTA!  

For weeks you'd been anticipating his arrival, maintaining your best behavior in the hopes that that might help - and that maybe, just maybe, because you'd been such a good boy, he would bring you a "B" subway train car to add to your collection.  Your biggest concern was how Santa would know you were in Chicago and not New York City, but Dad and I assured you that Santa knew where each little boy and girl would be on Christmas morning.  

During our stay for the holiday, cousin Alex generously gave up his room for us.  We took it over with all of our luggage strewn about - a blow up mattress, crib, books, toys and enough clothes for a week long stay.  After our Christmas Eve dinner with the family, the two of you dressed in your matching festive pajamas and put out the Christmas cookies & milk for Santa & the carrots for Rudolph.  You said goodnight to all of the family and were off to bed for it would surely be an early morning.  And that it was!  During the predawn of Christmas, the four of us hung out in Alex's room, waiting for a decent hour to gather the other family members and descend downstairs.  It was during this time that I took some of my favorite photos of the day.  Candid, playful and imperfect.  What fun watching the two of you in your bare feet on a messy bed, cracking each other up in contagious excitement.  Your first Christmas morning together is captured in this series of photos, silly and unposed - just brothers in their natural and playful state on a very special morning.    

[Click photo to advance slideshow and continue reading]

Christmas morning was truly magical.  The family went downstairs to discover that Santa had indeed arrived and presents were everywhere - one of which was the coveted "B" train.  You were over the moon Cash.  And Grey, Santa knew you needed socks!  How on earth he knew that is a big mystery!  

It was such a beautiful Christmas morning spent with family, filled with love, laughter and joy.  Of course we managed to take a few formal Christmas photos like the ones below, but it was the time we shared together upstairs as a family, playing on the bed, that I will remember most.  

Always & forever,

Mom

 

[Click photo to enlarge]

Photo 52: Within the Frame

Perspective | Isolation {Week 15}

Continuing our focus on perspective this week, Photo 52: Within the Frame sought to isolate our subjects through the use of a telephoto lens or otherwise.  Zoom lenses, with their longer focal lengths, magnify the scene and create a shallow depth of field which, in laymen's terms, means that the environment surrounding a subject is compressed and often quite blurred.  Lovely portraits occur when the subject remains prominent in the frame and the other elements are reduced.    

This past week the weather was either brutally cold (have you heard about the Polar Vortex?) or too rainy to venture outdoors.  Therefore a great deal of our play time was within the four walls of our apartment.  Below is a detail captured with my 70-200mm telephoto lens of my son landing a jet plane onto his aircraft carrier.  Even without his entire face, body or a sharply focused background, the viewer is able to piece together what is happening within a little boy's room, within his greater world of imaginary play.  

Please click HERE to visit our collective blog, Who We Become, and see all of our images in one place. 

Comin' in for a landing

Photo 52: Within the Frame

Wide Angle | Inclusion  {Week 14}

It is a new year, new month, and a new topic for Photo 52: Within the Frame.  We will be spotlighting perspective for the next month, examining the way your choice of lens can alter your viewpoint.  Wide angle lenses allow our camera to see wider than the eye can, and therefore allow us to include a great deal of the environment along with our subject.  The perfect lens for a snowy landscape!

This past Thursday night Hercules, the first blizzard of 2014, descended upon the Northeast.  The following morning I went out with my oldest son, traipsing around the neighborhood.  While he had fun tossing snowballs up the hill, I took some wide angle photos of him within the winter landscape.  My favorite is the image below which is intentionally shot out of focus.  The bright red hat reminds me of one of my favorite books from childhood, "The Snowy Day" by Ezra Jack Keats.  It was the perfect book to read to my son when we got home from our adventure.   

Please click HERE to visit our collective blog, Who We Become, and see all of our images in one place.  

The Snowy Day

Photo 52: Within the Frame

Photographer's Year-End Choice {Week 13}

For this final week of December, our theme is "Photographer's Choice". Some images will be a 2013 personal favorite, some will be a continuation of our month-long exploration of lines, and all will be a reflection of where we are in our photographic journey.

This was a big year for our family with the arrival of our second boy in May. I chose this photograph as my year-end "finisher" mostly for its emotional significance. Not only is the irresistible chubbiness on prominent display, but it is one of the few self-portraits from this year. My handy dandy assistant, who helped press the remote control to set off the timer, just happened to be my three year-old son. I was very proud of him and cherish this image even more because I know we were all a part of its creation.

2013 - you were fantastically crazy, awesome and amazing.

And to our followers, thank you for being a part of our photographic journey over the past year. It would not be the same without you. Best wishes for a Happy and Healthy New Year!

Please click HERE to visit our collective blog, Who We Become, and see all of our images in one place.

Letters to our sons | December

***I am so thankful to be a part of this blog circle "Letters to our Sons" with so many amazing photographers and moms.  In honor of our love for our little boys, we are posting a monthly image(s) along with a corresponding, heartfelt letter.  After reading my post please click HERE to continue around the circle, starting with my talented and dear friend Jill Cassara.  

_________________________________________

 

Dear Cash, my little train fanatic, 

There are a few things in your world so far that bring you tremendous happiness, and near the top of that list is trains. Living in New York City we ride the subway almost every day which is most likely how this fascination began.  You are so curious about the different subway lines - which ones run express, which ones are local and which ones take us to Grand Central.  On our underground travels, whenever the subway doors open you say, "Mommy, which stop is this?", and have come pretty close to memorizing each stop on our daily commute to preschool.  Coming home from school we try our best to ride in the front car of the "C" train so we can look out the window and watch the train race, twist and turn along the old tracks.  You'll spot other trains riding next to ours and tell me which line it is and whether it's headed uptown or downtown, finding it especially thrilling when our local beats the express to the station.  At the recent parent-teacher conference your teachers shared that during free play you religiously make a bee line for the train tracks, building elaborate systems winding in all directions.  I asked if other children in the class are as interested and they replied, "Nope, just Cash."  Perhaps it is because you are the only one in your class that rides the subway to school?  Maybe so, but it comes as no surprise that your recent request to Santa includes the "B" and "D" subway cars to add to your collection.

This Thanksgiving we made our usual trip to Grandma and Pow Pow's in Pennsylvania.  What a thrill when Pow Pow, a lifelong train fanatic himself, offered to take you trainspotting.       

{Please click photo to see the slideshow "Trainspotting with Pow Pow" and then continue reading}

Pow Pow took you down to a bridge in the old mill town of Leetsdale that, because of icy conditions, was closed off to traffic. It was the perfect place to watch for freight trains, especially since the tracks run right underneath the bridge. Pow Pow is eighty years old and has loved trains since he was a small boy like you.  His own grandfather gave him a Lionel train set that they would put up or around the Christmas tree each year and for a long time he dreamt about one day being a train engineer.  He would travel by train to and from Princeton and to and from Connecticut College to date your grandmother, meeting her under the clock at Grand Central.  Though he chose a much different career path while contemplating college, marriage, raising and supporting a family, his love affair with trains and counting cars has never waned.  In fact it was just two years ago, at the age of 78, that Pow Pow finally got the chance to fulfill his lifelong dream - to be an "engineer for a day" of the East Broad Top steam locomotive!  Which just goes to show you Cash, never give up on your dreams.  Never Ever.

I just want to say too that this was quite a special afternoon for me, being able to see my father share in his passion for trains with you, my oldest son, and capture those moments with my camera.  It is one day I shall not soon forget and believe you will always remember.  I love you Cash and your wild boy dreams.   

Always and forever,

Mom