Letters To My Sons | November

Dear Grey Grey,

It's been one of those months around here.  Lots of tears, meltdowns and overall just not feeling so hot.  Some of these days I even felt like crying.  First your brother caught pink eye. That Monday morning he woke up I knew all too well what it was, and that school that day (and the rest of the week for that matter) was out of the question. You however, didn't catch it --- or so I thought.  But a week later you did.  And then a week after that you gave it back to Cash. And then there was even a time when both of you had it.  After multiple doctor visits, eye drop refills and used up bottles of hand soap and sanitizer, I wasn't sure if we would ever be free of the "punk eye".        

Even without "punk eye", you had a particularly fussy month, melting down over what seemed like nothing at all. We'd try to console you with Bear Bear, your bottle, a favorite food, a restful quiet space, even giving in to your supposed wish to be picked up -- but nothing worked. You were bereft, collapsing into child's pose and often times bumping your head on the floor in the process. More tears. And then you'd throw up.  I can't tell you how many times this happened.  Fits of coughing, fits of crying, even your dramatic attempts at attention all led to one thing: throw up.  You'd even hoard little bits of food in the corners of your mouth, then gag and throw up. Sometimes 2-3 times in one night I would have to change your bedding and pajamas - trying not to gag myself - because you barfed all over them. Peeeee-uuuuuu! 

I finally checked in with the doctor to find out exactly how much yorking one baby can do in one month and still qualify as healthy.  She informed me that you had four eye teeth coming in  -- long canines on the upper jaw also known as "fang teeth" -- that were most likely causing you such hell. Regular doses of infant ibuprofen made life a little better, but still you had your moments.  Not all of the behavior is related to teething and some of it is just good 'ole manipulation.  Yes, doc, I figured as much. 

Despite your agonizing teething and a ping pong case of pink eye, you found great joy in one major accomplishment this month --- walking!  Yep, this month you started walking for real, for real.  At first you would just teeter totter from the rocking chair to the safety of the sofa four feet away.  Then you progressed to waddling in a drunken stupor the length of the room, joining your brother Cash in an endless back and forth journey.  The funniest part to us was how you'd stick your arm out in front of you like a rudder for balance, trying your best to keep up with your brother's pace.         

Then there are the times you and Cash play in the portable crib. Whenever you wake up from your nap and start babbling, Cash asks if he can go in your room.  You throw blankets on each other, roll around laughing, play peek-a-boo and pretend picnic, or sometimes just stand and drop to the ground over and over and over.  I don't know what it is; it's so simple, and yet it brings about such laughter, which this past month was greatly needed in between moments of great frustration and general "un-wellness".

Sweet Grey Grey, may you continue to seek those pockets of joy even of those days when all you want to do is cry and throw up.  May you have a grateful heart and a tenacious spirit, somehow finding a way to smile through the hardest of times.  And not least of all, your big brother by your side.

I love you, always & forever.


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